RSSCategory: Opine

Anonymous Southern White Woman: ‘Y’all Bitches Need to Get the F*ck Back to Work!’

| October 2, 2013 | 0 Comments

  I have had it with this motherfucking Congress on this motherfucking plane! Listen up, you Tea Party asshats. You say that you love the Constitution and the freedom and God-given liberty that our forefathers heretofore sacrificed and toiled against tyranny and slavery so the right of limited government could flourish in the bosom of […]

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Prayin’ the Gay Away at the Church of the Holy Goal Post

| July 25, 2013 | 0 Comments

In a quaint little corner of Alabama that can only be reached by winding two-lane roads shaded by towering pines wrapped in kudzu, there’s an old, but well-kept, Democratic Party meeting hall that’s a bit less busy than it used to be.  But on this day, more people showed up than were expected and they […]

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Hubris, Mendacity, and Assholism — Why New Yorkers Are Gagging on Weiner

| July 24, 2013 | 0 Comments

We wanted to believe him.  On the day he resigned from Congress, Anthony Weiner delivered a lachrymose apology for “bringing disgrace” to his loved ones and he asked for forgiveness — and for over a year following that speech, he continued pursing his lips and sexting his scepter to strangers. When then-Congressman Weiner dipped his […]

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The Ten Best Reasons to L’amour La France

| July 16, 2013 | 0 Comments

Recently I wrote an article celebrating ten things America still does best, and in the interest of fraternite with my newly adopted home of France, it is perhaps laudable to consider those aspects of France that are also exceptional. Too often I see the world as an endless parade of misfits, blunders, and tragedies — […]

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An American in Paris: ‘Ten Things America Does Best, and What I Miss Most’

| July 6, 2013 | 0 Comments

I left Los Angeles to live in Paris shortly before President George W. Bush’s reelection, and it’s safe to say that I was anything but a cheerleader for all things American. In fact, there are many things about the U.S. that I don’t like. But in the spirit of celebrating Lady Liberty on her recent […]

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Grits-n-Bigotry: A Blue Plate Special Still Served In the South — But Not for Cletus

| June 25, 2013 | 0 Comments

A great many years ago, a freckled and buck-toothed Cletus first laid his young eyes upon a sea of cotton as he unwillingly migrated from the multicultural metropolis of Miami to the rustic farmland of rural Madison County, Alabama. His parents had split — Mom won custody and decided to start a new life in […]

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If You’re Not Doing Anything Wrong, You Have Nothing to Worry About. Right?

| June 14, 2013 | 0 Comments

In 2001 when Congress passed the PATRIOT Act, granting unparalleled surveillance and detention powers to the federal government, it allowed the powers-that-be to McCarthyize and silence those opposed to the act as unpatriotic. Its name alone was, in essence, as masterstroke of propagandizing. In 2007, the PATRIOT Act was made permanent by Congress. And though […]

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Cletus’s Crusade — How to Kill a Southern Bigot Without Getting Your Hands Dirty

| June 12, 2013 | 0 Comments

In the middle of another humid night, as the sickly sweet scent of honeysuckle and pine pollen smothers my sleep, I have that same crazy dream. I’m standing on an old pine stump. The blinding sun is wringing out every drop of sweat and my tie has become a sponge. The crowd is listening intently […]

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From the Anonymous Southern White Woman to Monsanto: ‘Sit down, Sh*tasses!’

| May 29, 2013 | 0 Comments

You may remember the Anonymous Southern White Woman from her Glittersnipe debut earlier this month when she so eloquently invited her home state of South Carolina to kiss her “motherfucking ass,” or ten days later when she told Abercrombie and Fitch that “y’all suck!“ We are pleased to welcome her back with a brand-new rant […]

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Could He Be an Honest Mayor Weiner? That Is What He Truly Wants to Be! [VIDEO]

| May 22, 2013 | 0 Comments

The punning headlines, no matter how hackneyed, are irresistible: “From Dishonor to His Honor,” “Weiner Pulled Out; Now He Wants Back In,” “Weiner’s Second Coming,” and even an Oscar Meyer Weiner reference (you’re welcome). And if Anthony Weiner has his way, he may be in the spotlight to read plenty more corny headlines over the […]

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