BREAKING: Facebook Introduces New Feature.

| January 15, 2013 | 0 Comments

When people are hired to sit in a cubical and come up with company add-ons, that’s exactly what they’ll do — create something nobody wants just to validate their validated parking stub. How else could one explain the herky-jerky impossible-to-scroll Timeline that everyone in your news feed kvetched about for months?

And now, Facebook is at it again. The newest addition is called “Graph Search,” an internal Googlesque engine that will enable Facebookers to search for specifics within their personal network.

Phrases such as “friends who’ve traveled to Paris” and “friends who think clicking ‘like’ on a photo of a dying child will actually save her life” can be answered within seconds.

The company’s CEO, Mark Zuckerberg, denied wanting to branch out beyond Facebook saying “We’re not indexing the web. We’re indexing our map of the graph — the graph is really big and it’s constantly changing.”

While the new feature doesn’t pose a threat to major search engines, as first suspected, LinkdIn could be squirming. A potential employer, for example, could easily canvas their connections for new employees by typing in “unemployed clowns” or “people who make things for their company that no one wants but the boss uses it anyway to justify their brilliant hiring skills.”

On paper, the addition of an internal search feature, which includes searching within pages you’ve “liked,” seems promising. The design of the feature, however, could prove disastrous when one considers other previous additions, such as the aforementioned Timeline.

If Facebook’s stunningly inaccurate algorithm, which frequently displays diaper ads to this child-free journalist, is any indicator, however, we can expect the same petulant posturings we experience every month when Facebook becomes “new and improved.”

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