Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge Is Totes Pregs but Whatevs

| December 3, 2012

(Yes, a Keith Haring reference. We had to elevate this piece somehow. You’re welcome.)

LONDON — In an official statement on Monday,  Buckingham Palace confirmed the news that a royal heir was on the way:

“The queen, the duke of Edinburgh, the prince of Wales, the duchess of Cornwall and Prince Harry and members of both families are delighted with the news.”

Prior, the duchess was admitted to London’s King Edward VII Hospital after complaining she was suffering from Hyperemesis Gravidarum (morning sickness).

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Apparently the duchess wasn’t the only one experiencing a bit of nausea these days, as people on Twitter responded as though they too were nauseated by the news of  the “royal baby bump”  under her “pod frock” (brace yourself, we’re looking at eight months of this linguistic hambonery).  The upside is that the pregnancy has thrown the “fiscal cliff” off the cliff for the day — and, in the process, created some rather amusing tweets.

@Salon.com said “Royal baby alert: Kate Middleton has “a scone in the oven” (Glittersnipe said, “shut up.” and Robert J. Pechacek chimed in with, “///who fucking cares but mindless fools.”)

@KimKardashinan tweeted: “Awww so cute! Congrats!!! RT @KhloeKardashian: Congratulations to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge!! A royal baby!!! :) awwww so sweet.” (Glittersnipe responded, “You make me gag.”)

@Muslimsdoitbetttweeted: “At least now we know#PrinceWilliamswasn’t shooting blanks. #Royalty is saved but then again Harry will have a harem of knocked up bitches.”

@Forbes tweeted: “It’s official: Kate Middleton is pregnant. Will she give birth to the next Queen of England?” (Glittersnipe thoughtfully responded, “Kiss my ass.”)

@bushmanB25tweeted: “More interesting if #kate was having a Lemur. The one in Madagascar looked good in a crown.”

@OllyLennard tweeted: “#Kate will find it’s a lot of work being a mother: you have to double check every time you throw out the bathwater.”

@BBCWorld tweeted: Duchess of Cambridge’s severe morning sickness “simple to treat”, says consultant obstetrician.” (Glittersnipe offered advice. “Yeah, the way my mother dealt with it — with booze and dope like any normal person. Sit down.”)

@woodham tweeted: “The degree to which I don’t care about a “royal” baby is astonishingly equal to how much I don’t care about a normal person’s baby.”

@PrincessKate_UK tweeted: “Praying i wont have a ginger baby. I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone.”

@TorontoStar tweeted: “Prince William and #Kate Middleton’s first child stands an excellent chance of one day becoming monarc.”  (Glittersnipe thanked them for edifying, “Oh, you don’t say? You must have a monarchy expert on staff. Well-played, Toronto. Pip-pip and other things you people like.”)

@LaurenVino tweeted:  “Congrats to the royal fetus! I think I speak for everyone when I say I hope you’re black. #kate”

@Saad_Haroon tweeted: “Prince #William & #Kate expecting a baby! Posh and Becks named their kid Brooklyn. I hope royal baby is a girl and they call her Queens.” (Glittersnipe suggested, “We were hoping for ‘Staten Island.'”)

@FoxNews tweeted: “Kate Middleton expecting her first child, in hospital for pregnancy-related condition: http://fxn.ws/Vgp6Fl” (Glittersnipe was amazed that people at Fox News could type, ” Oh, that’s priceless — like your viewers could read or anything. Y’all are hilarious!”)

We at Glittersnipe send good wishes to all those women who learned they were pregnant today (especially the ladies lined up at the Margaret Sanger Clinic). If you’ve read a recent tweet that amused you, please share it with us below!

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