Recently in Washington, D.C., the pariah’d subsect of the G.O.P, the L.C.R. (Log Cabin Republicans), hosted their annual Spirit of Lincoln Awards dinner. While feasting on obtuseness, flights-of-fancy, and cold mashed potatoes, they patted themselves on the back and said what a fine job they’de done making their Party more gay-friendly than Twilight twinks at a bath house.
For those unaware, the L.C.R. was founded thirty years ago by a band of homosexuals (a hoary term used in the most clinical, and distancing, of senses) who weren’t satisfied with the kind of private self-loathing that most of us settle for. Instead, they preferred to stand publicly under bunting and confetti and celebrate with politicos who actually hate them more than they hate themselves
The very existence of L.C.R. is a conundrum. On one hand, there’s the Republican Party’s regression into a toxic sludge of schizophrenic faith-based social conservatism. On the other hand, there’s the crony-capitalistic embrace of the one-percenters. Considering this alone, it’s amazing that a sodomite (how they refer to themselves in polite company) would care to take refuge in this Lincoln Logged townhouse. But they do.
In addition to lower taxes (perhaps they’d prefer Eisenhower’s plan), and national defense (which is already the largest in the world), Log Cabineers’ cri de coeur is gay rights – unless of course legislation is proposed by any politico whose name is followed by a parenthetical “D.”
When “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” was repealed in December 2010, which was one of President Obama’s campaign promises, the L.C.R. claimed the victory as their own. They are now furious that the reversal does not include spousal support for same-sex widows and widowers. Meanwhile, the man for whom they will cast their ballot in November actually supports the Defense of Marriage Act, which would alter our Constitution and make same-sex marriage illegal in all fifty states,
Rather than cheering when Obama publicly stated that he was in support of marriage equality, the L.C.R. fired potshots instead, stating that if the president “were on the Supreme Court, he would vote against us. Obama supports same-sex marriage, but he sees no constitutional mandate.” And yet the Republicans’ stance is 100 percent antithetical to their own. This is like refusing mouth-to-mouth because you don’t like your nurse’s lipstick.
And last month conventioneers clapped and cried tears of joy when the Democratic National Convention’s platform acknowledged the LGBT community for the first time in our nation’s history and then stated firmly its position on marriage equality. And what did the Log Rollers across the country do? They just sat on their hands and called it pandering.
Trying to wrap one’s mind around what their attraction is to the G.O.P. is fruitless (get it?) — and just because you’re a religious corn-holer (a re-appropriated term that’s fun for the whole family nowadays), does not mean that your quaint little cabin is the right home for you. You probably have a church group that you belong to already, so go show off your fruit/marshmallow salad at Vacation Bible School and, for the love of God, have some dignity.
Conversely, if you are a 1-percenter (or aspire to be and have a hearty disdain for 47-percenters), there might be an attraction to hobnobbing with others of a similar pecuniary persuasion. Though it’s certainly self-serving, at least it makes sense. But what is so bafflingly nonsensical is why you would make the illogical leap to join the Republican Party, which has proven itself time and again to be at odds with the very fundamental core of your being. There are many hip libertarian Democrats, and fabulously wealthy Democrats, and even that rarest of species: centrist Democrats. Logically these are more hospitable climes for high-society sodomites than the swamplands of today’s Republican Party.
But back to the real reason, I suspect, why someone would be drawn to the L.C.R. and that is simply: self-loathing. In May when the president announced his support for marriage equality, Log Cabin Republicans still clung to the G.O.P. like they were suffering from “battered-wife syndrome.” These fudge-packers (a term their Republican brethren use to describe them behind their backs) just can’t stop protecting their abusers while there’s clearly an ambulance waiting to take them to the hospital — they’d rather die in the gutter because the driver is a Democrat.