Five Things We Can’t Believe Exist — Vol.12

| August 8, 2012 | 0 Comments

1. AYDS
It’s been decades and we still can’t believe this existed. In the early ’80s every woman who was five pounds overweight had a box of chocolatey AYDS in her refrigerator. Most ladies were full-blown crazy for AYDS; they were delicious and a very effective appetite suppressant because you couldn’t sit down for more than fifteen seconds to eat anything. We don’t want to give away the last line in this commercial but we nearly did a spit-take, and now we’re just dying for a bull batch of lip-smacking AYDS. The problem with AYDS is that they were so good, you couldn’t stop eating them, and surely that was the only reason this product went out of business. Well, we’re pretty sure that’s the reason.

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2. Goon Squad Busts
Designed by artist Frank Kozik for KidRobot, these 4″ busts of despotic goons re-imagined as modern day hipsters could not be more terrific. Our personal favorites are party boy “Lil Ilych” and “Pyong Yang Player” rocking a pimpy-out Elvis  look.  All are available in blue, magenta, yellow, black, and white. Collect all five (“the Gipper” not pictured) for your desk or bookcase. On sale now at KidRobot for only$7.49 each. What are you waiting for? Git!

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3. Pink Glasses Wine
Oh, just look at this crazy kid just having the time of her stupid life. How hilarious. Sit down. While not a bad design concept, mind you, the fact that we’re expected to actually play with these bottles makes us sad. One blog called them great “conversation starters!” Listen, if you need conversation starters to get the ball rolling, the rest of that conversation will undoubtedly suck. And the worst part about this? It’s not a light lovely rosé from Provence or a feisty rosado from Spain; this is a motherfucking California white Zinfandel.  For the uninitiated, here’s what you should know: rosés are lovely summer wines, whereas white Zinfandels taste like ass-flavored cheery Kool-Aid and death.  Wondering which rosés you should be enjoying this instant? Click on the Alexander Hamilton image on the right as we give you our picks for five rosés under ten dollars.  You’re welcome.

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4.  This Thing
This $46.00 USD shopping bag-cum-earthquake hat is just what every housewife needs. Lined in “helmet-like plastic” on the bottom, this  bag easily transforms into a life-saving chapeau. The marketplace can turn into a disaster film at any second, so why duck-and-cover when you can continue down the canned goods aisle with confidence.  Seriously, what the hell is going on here?

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5. Magical Toilets
In Japan’s Gumma prefecture, Mantokuji temple, a former women’s mental institution turned divorce temple houses two very important pieces of commodery. Visitors write down their wishes and drop them in the water, which is not unlike a wishing well except there’s urine.  The white toilet is called the “enkiri,” and it’s used for severing ties (from people, obesity, smoking, that woman with the simian forehead on Real Housewives of New Jersey, etc.) or the black toilet  for “enmusubi,” to bring things into your life  (romance, wealth, a comp’d bar tab, etc.). There have been problems recently, however, with ne’er-do-wells actually “using the restroom” in the restroom. This has caused a great deal of emotional discomfort from frequent visitors, including Miyoko Hotsumomo who told Glittersnipe in a recent phone interview  “This is very shitty thing to do! They shit on my dreams! Fuck! Shit dreams!”  (We totally made that last part up.) If you’d like to learn more about the beauty of Japanese toilets, please click on the image to your left.

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Category: Can't Believe Exist, Featured, Gawk

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