Yesterday Governor Mitt Romney chose his vice presidential running mate, Representative Paul D. Ryan of Wisconsin, and everyone fell fast asleep. Ryan, a social Darwinist, believes that competing for limited resources culls the heard, and that superior humans naturally rise to the top on the backs of their inferiors. Ryan’s simian-like forehead, however, suggests that the candidate may well be Darwin’s missing link. ♣ Ann Romney’s horse fucking sucks. The fifteen-year-old mare, named Rafalca, was lazy and hates America. Olympic insiders had their own moniker for the horse that was leaked to the Daily News yesterday, “Lucifer’s Anus,” due to the pet’s penchant for Swiss dairy products and alarming flatulence. (Actually, we totally made that last part up.) ♣ And the Mars rover Curiosity sent back the first photos of the red planet this week, leading many to speculate if there is, or has ever been, life.
(The Above Waks-a-Tooneries Were Provided by Joe Waks for Glittersnipe!)