Five Things We Can’t Believe Exist – Vol. 04

| May 23, 2012 | 7 Comments

1.These shoes by Dutch designer Marjolein Stormezand are insanely terrific and utterly insane.  Finally you can enjoying yourself at cocktail parties and on log flume rides without having to hold those pesky children.

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(Photo: Albert Watson)

2. Alan Cumming will be playing Macbeth at Lincoln Center July 5-14 — that’s easy to believe it will exist, but he’s doing it solo and set in an asylum.  For the next month, the jaws of bug-eyed writers will tingle as they are compelled to refer to it as “the Scottish play,” in every article, all the while slobbering like a junkie in a meth kitchen. Try mentioning Mommie Dearest without saying “kabuki” — it’s linguistic smack.

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3. Thong Jeans. And now this is happening. Paying nearly $100 for this pair of dungarees will surely force many a hooker to raise the price of a hand job to a full dollar this year. First taxi fares go up, and now this.

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5. Michael Bublé and Beringer’s White Zinfandel. This aural ipecac-meets-gustatory garbage combination is the perfect marriage for people who like to match their wine prices with their IQs. Hobbling trolls whose familiarity with classical music ends with their Für Elise ringtone now can tell their friends they love jazz because they saw this pudgy douche smirk his way through a standard. It is our sincerest wish that the ghost of Dean Martin comes into this man’s dreams and brutally ass rapes him. Now That’s Amore.

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Category: Can't Believe Exist, Featured, Gawk

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  1. Shelley says:

    There are many men who should not go shirtless..and, obviously!! some
    women!! Those are sad boobs for a young woman..and that tummy..it should be covered too. What can she be thinking?

  2. Francois in Dubai says:

    Alan Cumming totally rocks. Very jealous you guys in NYC will get to see that. And I second Shelley’s comments, what an awful belly – get that girl some veggies!

  3. Beth says:

    I’m flabbergasted by three things: the thongs jeans of course, the girl’s tummy, and the wearing of black tights with the heels.

  4. jackson says:

    I think Alan Cumming should revive himself in Cabaret wearing looks 1,3, and 4, although i cannot for the life of me think of a use for number 5.

  5. Cameron says:

    First pajama jeans and now this….sinking very low America.

  6. Analshine says:

    I don’t have a problem with the tights, and the not-tight tummy. I do have a problem with cans like that not being put on the shelf of a good, supportive bra. Anti-Bublé, anti-boobie (in pubz, sans sand or picinic blanket, not in general–I own some!)

  7. James Taylor says:

    That Buble bit is my new favorite thing on this website.

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